You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
