One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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