Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize