It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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