Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
well you can't waste a boner
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize