I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
