So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize