Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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