my phone cant type all the emotion im having
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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