please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
