I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Edward fifth and chaser hands
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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