I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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