Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
