I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
