New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
