I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
How does it feel to date your dad?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
