My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
