I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
