It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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