i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
