Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
