please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
