seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
