im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
