I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
