my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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