Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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