So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So many bounce houses so little time
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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