She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
