RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
