I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
