Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
