I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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