there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize