Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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