I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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