i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
