i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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