She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dick very happy bro
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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