Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
