I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Randomize
