My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
