Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
