Will you blow on my dice?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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