I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
