She is in my trunk
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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