i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
