I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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