If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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