I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
