all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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