You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
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