FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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