just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
