I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
