I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
