shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
