Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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