im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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