No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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