We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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