mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
